Do you remember in elementary school, you would lean back in a chair on one leg, waiting to see if you would fall backwards? That is what it feels like to get out of bed every day for me. Just on the edge, ready to tip, my heart and soul in my stomach.
I am really really sad. I feel like for the past month, I’m just an empty human being. The only thing I could do was lay in bed feeling completely hollow. I don’t think I'm naturally a sad person, I think I’m the polar opposite. I think my smile is my only redeeming quality, and I feel like if I were a Pantone color it would be a sunny yellow color (maybe a buttery yellow color). The worst part is that I have no reason as to why I’m so sad. I have no reason to be sad. My dad’s cancer is gone, my mom and I aren’t fighting, my friends have never felt more in my life, my classes are interesting and fun, Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey released killer albums, and my life is going really well! But I’m just really really sad. I think I'm so broken all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put me together again. I used to only cry from laughing too hard, and now I have cried everyday over nothing, I just can’t stop crying. I love to go running, but I’ve been so blue that I can’t find the will to go to the Rosebowl. I don’t know if I’m sad over the fact that this is my last year in little LC, my SAT scores (that somehow went down?), my life teeming with minor inconveniences, I don’t know what it is! I normally try and find an ending to the blurbs before the review that leaves the reader with a sense of completeness.I want to earn the privilege of their time because there never seems to be enough hours in the day, and who would want to spend some of their limited time reading a butter blog? I think the fact that I can’t find an ending to this post, is because I don’t really know what to say, because I don’t know what I’m feeling. Butter Review: This “salted European butter” from Gerard’s in Maui really did not live up to its name. Creaminess- 2/5
Saltiness- 0/5
Bonus point for butter dish +1 8/20
1 Comment
Rachel
9/15/2019 18:53:15
I love the way you shared your feelings. You are a fantastic writer and I’ve been feeling very similarly to the way you’ve been feeling lately. Like something’s missing in my life even though everything’s going great. Maybe it’s a part of being a senior and knowing high school will be over in the blink of an eye. Maybe it’s a subconscious reaction to stress. Maybe it’s just a reaction to a transition into a more mature version of ourselves. I’m not sure, but I do hope you feel better soon. Keep up the fun posts; you’re doing great!
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Quote of the Month"We love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all we love each other"- Madeline Archives
June 2020
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